Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
