I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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