So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize