The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.