I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you