Will you blow on my dice?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD