he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car