I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation