it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
