just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
