I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
