apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
