Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
zippers are such a cool invention
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
