i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
