DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME