im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.