please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.