I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.