you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to make out with him forever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card