you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore