just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
