i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
