He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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