2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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