saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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