one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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