so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
