I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
