Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
