shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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