We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
