p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
