I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
