Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My vagina is very pro this idea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
