Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
