I need to stop coming to work sober
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
