Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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