Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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