My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
