Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
