The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
