this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
