well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
