My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
