quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
