he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
