Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
