Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
