What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
