I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I heard we made out
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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