the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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