another moral hangover. fuck.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
