why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize