we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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