Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
