why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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