just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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