it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
