I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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