There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
