We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
