You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
