The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
