Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
