Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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