you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
