he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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