I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
