I'm so fucking centered right now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
