I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
