i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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