im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
