By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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