Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
