I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
