I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
