the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
