I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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