I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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